


Self-Esteem

by Draqonelle



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cold War, Alternate Universe - Dogs, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, Alternate Universe - World War II, Amnesia, Cybernetic Implants, Dark!River, Doctor Whump, Emo!Doctor, Episode: s01e07 The Long Game, Episode: s01e12 Bad Wolf, Episode: s02e06 The Age of Steel, Episode: s02e13 Doomsday, Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Episode: s06e02 Day of the Moon, Episode: s06e06 The Almost People, Episode: s06e13 The Wedding of River Song, Ex at the Wedding, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Parallel Universes, Pete's World, Rory is RoboCop, Self marriage, Self-cest, Shoes, Silence, Silents, Stag Night, TARDIS - Freeform, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles merchandise, Time Loop, Time Skips, Time Travel, Timey-Wimey, Two Pyschopaths on the Tardis, Weddings, Whump, infospikes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draqonelle/pseuds/Draqonelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor needs to find some “self-control” trapped in Pete's World with amnesia, an being reunited with his long lost clones The Biological Metacrisis and the Programmable Matter Doppleganger. There is a conspiracy involving mass murder, hypnosis, cyborgs, parasites and River Song on a killing spree.  Now it is up to the many versions of the Doctor to save the World.  All Doctor has to do is find a brutal serial killer, stop a young River Song from starting a war, uncovering out the mysterious origins of the Time Vortex, and preventing his clones from falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-Esteem

**Author's Note:**

> Whats wrong with Self marriage?
> 
> Amy Pond: I imagine the Divorces would get Messy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor needs to find some “self-control” trapped in Pete's World with amnesia, an being reunited with his long lost clones The Biological Metacrisis and the Programmable Matter Doppelganger. There is a conspiracy involving mass murder, hypnosis, cyborgs, parasites and River Song on a killing spree. Now it is up to the many versions of the Doctor to save the World. All Doctor has to do is find a brutal serial killer, stop a young River Song from starting a war, uncovering out the mysterious origins of the Time Vortex, and preventing his clones from falling in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The problem with self-marriage is that the divorces can get messy.
> 
> ~Amy Pond

Prologue: Do you Remember the 21st night of September?

                Jackie Tyler walked around the picnic at the Tyler Mansion.  It was such a beautiful day for it. She was in her favorite lace sun dress, with that mesh thing that looked like a fishing net.  She smiled carrying around a glass of Sangria as the party was kicking off.  The agents of Torchwood rarely got a proper Tyler family party. They rarely left the office, but they were there in force. Everyone was in tank tops and cargo shorts, messy pony tails and baseball caps showing little touches of their personality that the uniforms of Torchwood hid.  Esther was wearing pantyhose just because she put on a skirt.  Gwen was in a Ramones teeshirt, all punky and black, and Rex was the only bloke in a button up shirt. Jake was in one of them stupid spandex teeshirts. The women were chattering. The oldsters were sharing baby pictures.  The youngsters were flirting and splashing the water in the pool that was too cold to swim in.  Tony was leading a gang of kids racing around with Rose-the-Dog.  (Not many of the city kids could afford a pet on the Bottom levels.)  The men, of course, were around the grill, waiting for the meat to be done.

                “Tony, you let them play with Rosie…  She’s a good dog.”  She ordered her son. “They are your guests.”

                “Yes Mum. Can I get a hotdog for Rosie? She’s hungry.”

                “No. Her cholesterol is going up again. She can only eat Doggy food. Go and run around.” Jackie kissed his head. Tony groaned and the little dog ran after them.

                Pete moved from the grill, to finally notice his wife over by the punch and beer and sodas.  He was wearing an old yellow polo shirt and shorts, (She didn’t nag him today about that color washing him out. He had good legs for a man his age.) “I’m glad we are doing this whole thing informal. The team loves it.  Jackie probably would have bankrupted me the way they eat.”

                “Well there will be time for black tie and champagne after the big announcement.”  Jackie said.

                “What Announcement is that?”

                “His. ” Jackie nudged him “Getting married.”

                They looked over at the propane grill. Against all probability and reason stood their Universe’s version of the infamous Doctor, called Dr. Don Tyler. The human timelord hybrid was flanked by his mates like a short order cook and still on his mobile phone, as he brushed the fillets with garlic marinade.  At least he wasn’t in his usual brown or blue suit.  He was wearing a blue plaid shirt, with a cheeky blue teeshirt, blue jeans and navy blue crocs.  He was stitching up the last details of the seating arrangement at the Peace Summit, they were going to be having in Westminster, on behalf of the Letheans, in a few weeks.  
                “Why is everyone hanging round him like he’s about to lay an egg? He’s cooking up some fillets.”  
                “It’s a guy thing.  We all want to grill. Center of attention…” Pete said.  
                Jackie said “I was hoping he would relax before the big announcement.”

                “I don’t think our Doctor has a relax mode.” Pete laughed at the sight.  “Don isn’t getting married?”  
                ”Not tonight, “ Jackie grabbed her day planner “This is just Pre-engagement Party.  I can’t wait to show you what I have planned. Engagement Party.  The Bridal Shower…  The Bachelor Party. It will be wonderful. I have sketches.” Jackie grinned “Sketches!”

                “He didn’t tell me he was going to get married?  Who is he going to marry?  Rose is—“

                “You are supposed to be a spy. A big secret agent.  You’re as thick as oatmeal.” Jackie tssked her tongue.

                Pete was aghast at Jackie’s assumptions about Don, “What makes you think he even wants to get married?  He didn’t marry Rose. And he loved her.  They were together for years. He was obsessed with her. He hasn’t been with John Smith as long.” Pete shook his head “He hasn’t even proposed yet.”  
                “He’s going to do it tonight.” Jackie was certain of this.  
                “Then why doesn’t he tell me…” Pete quirked a brow.  
                “Because he thinks it’s a surprise.” Jackie drew him in close “He might not even know it himself.”  Jackie pulled out a big leather book with “Fantasy Wedding” written in puff paint on the cover. “He only has two more weeks until the end of September. And you know what that means.” Jackie said. Pete stood stupefied, not sure at all what it means.  She had to inform her husband “If they don’t start their plans, they’ll have till wait until after the Christmas rush.  So it has to be a fall wedding.  Or nothing until next year…”  She said. “And then where would we be.”  
                “Well I guess I was wrong you weren’t going to make a big to-do.  And I don’t think he wants you at the bachelor party.” Pete said.

                “Well I could give him a few decorating suggestions. And tell him a good florist. I’m not gonna jump out of a cake.” Jackie said. “I’m not a kissogram… anymore,” Jackie wrote in her wedding book. “I’ve known the Doctor for 8 years or more if you count all the flipping time travel and I’ve known Don for 5.  He’s going to ask tonight.  In front of the whole team.  It will be so romantic.”  
                Pete turned her around “Well if he is getting married couldn’t we call Bennet Catering?  Donna Bennet will do everything 20 quid a head. Plus Decoration. He’s a simple guy, he’s not going to waste his time doing flowers and stuff.”  
                “Bennet Catering? You better be joking.” Jackie said  “I’m doing everything myself.  This is Don’s big day. Flowers, invitations.  I know everything about parties. I know everyone in town. Who better than me?”

                “A wedding planner? A professional.” Pete tried to explain.

                Jackie slapped the book down “I can be a professional. I’ve done this party here for far less then any of those professionals.  I want to try.”

                “Well we can have it done 20 quid a head.” Pete said “Think of the time and money we’ll save.”  
                “Donna Bennet’s a jerk and her cooking is terrible.  I could knock up a better salmon kebab at the old flat in Universe A, on a George foreman grill.” Jackie said “We’d be drinking kool-aid out of foam cups or summat.”  
                “You shouldn’t say that about her. She is a nice lady. I thought she was your mate.” Pete said.  
                “The only time we are letting Donna Bennet cater another event of ours, is my funeral, over my dead body. Only reason I let her come to my house is because Don is her mate.”  
                “You can’t say that about her.” Pete said  “She has cancer or Lupus or summat.  She could be dying.”  
                “Poor Cancer.” Jackie said. Pete new that Jackie was stubborn and he just had to give up. Jackie could hold a grudge like no other “She can use her settlement to buy a cure.”  
  
                She noted that everyone on the team was hanging around him on the luxurious patio, where they set up the grill.

                Dr. Don Tyler was a stubborn man shouting into his Nynitech mobile. He was telling the alien on the other end off, as he stripped off his plaid shirt. “I don’t care what universe we are in.  You can’t seat the Sycorax Tribal King next to the Queen Admiral of the Chulla Fleet. Who is your manager, young man? I want to know the Logic behind these decisions.  I’m not having your buddies knock down Westminster Abbey by accident because you want to set up the delegates according to your phonemes in your language. We might as well go by Earth English Alphabet.”  He was worked up.  “Absorbalovians next to Appalapulchians, Cybertronians next to Cybermen. Well tell him I’m calling back…  Excessively.” He said “I’m you new stalker Doctor…Doctor Don Tyler. Talk you in ten minutes.”  
  
                Don may not be the real original first Doctor.  Old Doctor as he kept thinking of him as. Don was a half-time lord and in an alternate universe not his own, but he had learned much about alien cultures. He  tried to help out in the day to running of Torchwood, and had been setting up the Peace Summit for months.   The Old Doctor could have done it in two days.  But in this foreign universe his information was often wrong. Sometimes the major players were dead, evil or had never even been born.  He was having trouble navigating England. The two universes were usually quite similar… just parallel.  He was not all knowing, and he couldn’t dominate any conversation with sheer breadth of knowledge.  At least it was a learning experience, which was something the old Doctor was no longer used to.  He had to keep learning, keep open the lines of communication.  Could the Doctor have done anymore?

                To the guys around him, it seemed he wasn’t cooking the steak very diligently. Don was getting sick of their back seat grilling. Rex Matheson insisted they turn up the heat until it started sparking flames.  It was perfectly acceptable for the chops to be on fire. “Gave it flavor” Ian Jones said they had to douse it in extra marinade. Don waved his spatula frenetically at Ian’s face said they would get to sticky and burn which they insisted was a “good thing.”   
                Don was on his mobile, making chatter with aliens, only stopping to boss his employees around even on their day off, (but mostly it was things your mum might say like put on a jumper, or not to go into the pool after you eat crisps, and put on a hat or they’ll get sun burned.) He only flipped the burgers when they were perfect, not a second before.  Otherwise they lost juiciness.  If someone got a smack on their hand, they should have known not to touch his grill.  
                Jackie shook her head “Look at himself.  Can’t put that phone down for a second. Just to be in control everything. When he’s planning to give half his life to a moron.”   
                “You been married before.” Pete said  “Weren’t you a little mental the before trying to make everything perfect?” Pete asked his second wife. She remembered.  She remembered the first time she married a Pete Tyler in a whole other world.  He got her name wrong he was so nervous. This was only the version in her reality, but he was killed in a car crash rescuing a vase.  
                “Maybe I was mental to go through with it.” Jackie gave Pete a sharp smile.  
                “Cheeky.” Pete kissed her. “Maybe it was mental for me to do it twice. To the same girl.”  
                “Hold the phone.  You asked me to marry you, Mr. Pete Tyler.” She said.  
                “You said yes, didn’t you? I was content to live like this forever.  Then they would think I was shagging me cousin. Mrs. Jackie Lena Tyler.”  
                Seven years ago, this Pete had lost his wife to the Cyberman invasion.  He told her that in the end he was so cross at his Proper Jackie over nothing for so long. But that was before the Cyberman ended it all. He never told Jackie I he was sorry either. It was a doctor, The Doctor. His first doctor and her second, old and young at once. Foxy and very much in love himself, who set them up with each other.  He was not going to lose her again.  That daft old alien codger was right about that too.  Only the old Doctor, would Play matchmaker before saving the entire World from getting attacked by an Army of Interdimensional Cyberman and Crazy Dalek.  
                “Now stop worrying about Don, he’s a big boy.” Pete said “He has nine hundred years of experience.  
                “Yeah. Well not his own experience. They are memories of our Doctor.  He never actually… did everything he remembers.”   
                Pete might think of this young thing as the Doctor.  But Jackie wasn’t so sure. This Doctor was five years old and had loved her daughter so much.  This person became her best mate and took her out to dinner and always made the pudding for Sunday roast.  This one became her son’s baby sitter when she needed one on Date Night, her husband’s best employee and someone they could all count on. She could never say that about the first Doctor she met. A man who left her thinking Rose was dead for one year.  Doctor was away after the trouble was over. Don was different, whether it was to chasing away frightening weevils in the streets of Bangkok or building the Parthenon out of Sugar cubes for a school diorama, Don was reliable.  He was family. He might remember what the Doctor remembered, talk like the Doctor, but he’s not him all the way.  And there were things he could remember that the Doctor never would have dreamed of.  That was certain. “This is the first time he got married.”  
  
                “Not even killing the Cyberman and the Revolutionary war can prepare you for that horror.” Pete said.  
                “Can’t you grill a few burgers for him? Maybe he just needs to relax. I want to talk with him” Jackie tried to sweet talk her second husband.  
                “He told me I don’t know how to grill.  Apparently I can’t cut it. I used too much lighter fluid.” Pete chuckled.  
                “We are supposed to have fun at our parties. With Don obsessing over everything just makes me look bad.” Jackie pulled on his arm.  
                “That is exactly what me ex would say,” Pete said.  “Sometimes you are so much like her.” Pete kissed her.  She should she was Jackie’s evil twin.  Or whatever they called this universes equivalent.” He cradled her in his arms.  
                After Jackie 1 died and Rose was never born, Jackie 2 came in and took her place.  Pretending to be her long lost Twin Lena… and then the baby came.  
Then that damn wedding…. Don didn’t talk about the wedding to anyone and the Government declared it top secret.  No one outside of the guests would ever know what happened that day, to Rose, to the Bad Wolf.  And they were all but ready to Retcon it out of their lives. (Amnesia pills were like something out of science fiction) The only good that came out of that damn day was Jackie and Pete got to say all the things they never could to their dead spouses.  And after the air was clear, she had him forever.  Forever wasn’’t enough.  
                “Fancy that.” Jackie grinned  
                “What?”  
                “Of all the miracles I’ve seen in my years traveling through space and time. I still believe. Two women who put up with your BS…”  She left her husband with a big cheek kiss stirring the punch bowl.  
  
                Jackie walked over to the patio with drinks.  Don actually swatted Gareth on the hand.  
                Ian Jones was now serving sous chef to the Doctor. Toshiko Harper was wielding her robotic arm like a knife to cut up crudite, like some Japanese stereo type. (She made radish roses) Charlotte Wills and Esther Drummond were mixing together more sangria, between kisses.  Rex was making juice out of an alien root that looked like a turnip and an elephant’s foot. Jake Symmonds poured the liquid in a bowl made of the helmet of a dead cyberman.  
                It was weird to see Ian Jones, in a tee-shirt.

                The Doctor finally put all his fillets on the platter as Eugene and Mark raced each other.  
                “If you trip and fall don’t come crying to me if you skin your knee.  Pools are slippery. Bloody Torchwood never listens to their elders.”  He slipped the mobile into his pocket as he tested the burgers. “You wanted medium rare.  Rare. Well Medium, well, well, rare, rare rare rare rare… bloody how many rares. Fifteen” THe Doctor chuckled “made a funny. Bloody Rare. And a tofu burger.”   
                “That is me.” Esther smiled. “Tofu burger.”  
                “Californian girl orders no meat.” He gave her a funny smirk “Why am I not surprised? I never learned how to grill tofu before. In 900 years. Relatively. I might have…”  He said “Up you get. Tell me If I did it right.” He flipped her a burger onto a bun.  A bit of flare grilling left the team laughing.  
                She grabbed the burger “It’s good.”  Esther said “Where did the famous Doctor learn how to cook tofu  like this?” She said gnawing with a big smile.  
                “18th century… Wait is that too Early.” He shook “Well sorry. You try doing them all in a row in the right order.”  Don winked at her.

                “I will need some more of Pete's guacamole garlic ranch dip.” Esther said “You’re still my favorite cook. But he does sign my paycheck.”  Don lifted his tray of burgers and plate of buns. “If you need crisps, there are potato, sweet potato, pita, tortilla crisps. For crudité we got carrots and shallots, turnips and parsnips, broccoli…”  
                The employees attacked the food practically knocking him off his feet as he stood. He was divested of his plates in minutes.  
                “Nothing rhymes with broccoli.”  He sighed holding an empty tray of meat in seconds.  
                “Thanks for the eats.” Many of the Torchwood employees shouted as they began devouring the food.  
                Colonel Jake Symmond's started stealing bites of the vegan treat “That’s a hell of a bean curd." Even Gwen Williams ate one.  Even though she said Tofu made you gay. (He loved that Gwen spoke her mind that was clear.  But he really did hate to run those Sensitivity training seminars.  Though he did like the word P.C.  especially when sneaking up on people. Esther was still a bit shy for this crowd, who actually were just a bunch of incorrigible high schoolers.  
                “Those Onions aren’t vegan. They were touching the grill.”  
                “Neither is Charlotte. I saw you and Charlotte…” Don puckered his lips.  
                “You are a bad.  Bad alien.” Esther said turning bright red and chuckling.  
                “Hey Alien is homocentric term. I prefer the term biological lifeform. Likes be PC here. Everyone PC.”

                The torchwood agents chanted “PC”  
                Rex Matheson was drooling over his food. “Gwen, You got to try these silders they have chilli cheese melted on the inside.  Inside the meat. I would marry this burger.” Rex Matheson ate without restraint. The agents were plowing through the burgers quickly.  Don may be a hell of an annoying boss, but he could grill. It was the beginnings of a perfect meal.  
                While the team was at the table eating their steaks, He pulled over Pete “So Have you tried my recipe for guacamole?”  He snuck over to Pete. “It’s a little different.”

                Pete brushed him off eating a big piece of “heart healthy” sirloin, for his cholesterol “I’m sure it’s lovely and organic. And 100 times better than mine.”

                “I meant, you might want to check, what’s inside the bowl. Mine has unusual ingredients.”  There was a burner cell phone with a phone card.  
                Pete chuckled. Jackie said Pete was addicted to work. As a result she had told Pete no mobiles all weekend.  Don took pity on his boss, that was too brutal for a fellow workaholic.  Don winked at his boss.  
                “You’re the best assistant I ever had.”  He snatched the phone. “Remind me to give you a raise when I achieve World Domination.”  
                “World Domination?  You can’t even talk on the mobile in front of the wife. You have five minutes…  before Jackie comes back with the extra forks. And if Jackie sees you with a mobile on your vacation. I’ll tell her you stole it from a criminal.  I’m neutral.”

                “Your sacrifice will not be in vain. I owe you. I just have to call the President about the conference with the PM of America.  Think the Empress of Russia is going to put in an appearance to discuss the Lethean treaty.”  
                “Super. Tell President Jones I said hello. And I wasn’t even being sarcastic.” Don said.  
                “Don’t be a bitch Don. Not a good color on you.”  
                Pete wandered into the bushes to make a secret phonecall to HQ, as the other Torchwood employees nearly attacked their food like starving piranhas.  Don should have just enjoyed the day. Instead of relaxing, Dr. Don looked out with a paternal look like a nervous meerkat, very still and motionless, scanning the horizon for any disturbance until he realized a tiny error.  
                “Oh no…  Do we have any white meat? I mean we have the tofu and burgers and steaks and I found a pack of hotdogs. We have no chicken. There is no chicken anywhere. Can’t believe I forgot. I’m getting thick.”  
                “Chicken, Don?” Jackie asked gobsmacked.  
                “A Non-red-meat alternative. In case people want to eat meat but don’t like red meat or fish.  Or a salmon….” Don tried to explain his craziness.  
                “Ok that is it.” Jackie could no longer take Don’s shenanigans. “They are fine. They’ll be eating us out of home soon. I want you to have a little fun.  Now take a break. Enjoy the party.”  
                “But we could put up some chicken breasts, in Five minutes. Three if you have boneless salmon.”  
                “God Sakes Doctor.  You haven’t sat down all day. Step away from that grill now or I am calling off the whole party.” Jackie smiled shoving him to a lawn chair. “I am going to get you a beer.”  
                At sound of the old nickname Don paused. He looked at Jackie. He sighed “Ok.  Get me a beer. Lager cold.” It was getting hot around that old propane grill.  
  
                She got him one “Here you are Don.”  She grabbed two. It was a hot day and she was not above cracking into one along with her sangria.  
                “Ianto.” Don always called Ian the wrong name.  But Ian didn’t really notice anymore. Ianto wasn’t as far off. Don was always calling Martin Jones a girl’s name. (He sort of did look like a Martha)  
                “Yeah, boss?”  
                “Don’t let Pete near the grill. He’s got a squeeze bottle full of god knows what.  We’ll be on the 7 oclock news, sifting through the remains of this once stately manor for our remaining belongings.”     “Will do, Boss.”  The Londoner bowed curtly and finished up the corn cobs and baked sweet potatoes. Don really would like one of those, but they took hours to do properly. He was still about 30 minutes away from a corncob.  
                The moment Don sat and his body sunk into the cushions and his weary muscles sighed.  He was feeling older then he should have been.  It was so relaxing in the warm sun and the soft chair. He sighed and sipped his drink.  
                Jackie said “I think you are finally learning to relax like a normal person.”

                Don groaned “God help me. I have been on this Earth too long. Next I’ll be sticking up my feet on the couch.  Or getting one of them soft fluffy chairs where you pull on a lever and BAM you got a foot rest built right in. What is that called? What do you call that?”

                “Lay Z Boy.”

                “No need to get cross with me,” He grinned. ”You won’t find that in Magellan Gestalt.  Or the Galactic Core worlds. Or the Megalopolises.”

                “Where is Donna?” Jackie said “Ain’t she the grand poobah?”

                “She’s only on the board of directors ‘cause of the H.C. Clemens thing.  She might be in Brazil a few more weeks.” Don said “Donna’s gonna go see that experimental oncologist in Brazil. Copley. He has an injection that returns all your organs to how they were when you were twenty…”   
                “Sounds nice.  Maybe she won’t die.” Jackie tried to sound cheerful.

                “It has a few too many wasp eggs for my taste but if you can get over the parasitoid invasion their might be something there. Mutually beneficial symbiosis or summat.”  
                “Like Parasites? You mean like they’ll eat her up from the inside.” Jackie would never understand that biology stuff. That was so awful.  
                “Parasites live inside you…  Parasitoids eat you, live inside you and wear you like a skin, until their babies hatch.  Super parasites, well that gets really crazy... They actually infest a whole planet. They take over the-  
                “Never mind I forget I asked.” Science is gross.

                Don couldn’t admit what was wrong with Donna. Jackie suspected he knew but didn’t tell them.  All they knew is that her organs were failing and without the right equipment he couldn’t cure her.  He probably could do it if he was the one with the Tardis and the ability to go back in time.  But that woud probably collapse the space time continuum stuff. (She wasn’t as dumb about that paradox anymore now she had been in that machine.)  Maybe it would be too great a price.

                He looked at Jackie. “Jackie. Can I ask you a question?”

                “Sure thing.” Jackie said

                “I think I…  I don’t know.  Have you ever… How?” He played around with his beer bottle  
“You have to ask me something love.” Jackie asked.

                “I loved Rose you know.”

                “Really.” Jackie tried so hard not to be sarcastic.

                “I will always love her, but she’s gone….” Don asked “You were in love with your first husband. Never remarried.  Rose didn’t even have a dad growing up. You were on your own, taking care of your own business… going from bloke to bloke. Hopping like some cricket from bed to bed….”

                “Get to the point.  
                “How did you decide the alternative Pete was good enough for you to replace him, the Pete from your past?”Don felt a little exposed.  
                “Are you kidding me? That’s what you ask me?” Jackie said.

                “Well you loved Pete.  You loved him so much. I was there.  You were so…  so in love.  You promised him forever. How did you know that this other Pete was good enough to get married to?” Don asked.

                “Because I love him.” Jackie said  “And I’m old fashioned.  You love a bloke. Or a lady or a whatever… I don’t judge. And you get married. It’s not like rocket surgery.”

                “Yeah I haven’t… I haven’t married… I want to do it right.  I’ve not been married a lot.”

                “Well you have. What did you do last time?  Was that even you or the Doctor.  What was it like.  Was it like Pon Farr fights to the death.”

                “That was arranged by the houses.  Off of the Compatibility equations in the Looming Matrix.  We always knew we were the best of all possible matches. Using the top of the line computational engines by expert intelligence experts.”

                “Is that anything like Match.com?”She asked  
                He chuckled “Yeah.”

                “Did you like even have a ceremony.”  
                “My DNA progenitors were there that’s like my family.  We have Mums and Dads too. We said the binding and twenty minutes later there were loomling DNA components, which could be crafted into new children.  ” Don said.  
                “Well online dating didn’t work for me.  Those profile pictures are always rubbish, and you can’t get to know someone on facts and figures.”  
                “Marriage for time lords isn’t about love or sex.  Its kinda like buying a used van. We got bored.” He said “She brought a crossword. She was so smart. She was a nice lady. We had a pretty good marriage.  She regenerated but we never really divorced.  Even liked me Tardis. You can’t exaect these things to last forever.”

“And now you want to marry for love. Like a Human would.” Jackie said “And no one has a Compatibility computer.”

“Yeah.  With flowers and cake and those rings.  The rings are so cool.  And you get all dressed up and everyone is there.  It sounds brilliant.  I mean I’ve been to enough of them…  Well my memories are usually from the perspective of observers. Or like the guy who rescues the beautiful maiden from being wed to an ogre… Or a beautiful ogre having to marry an ugly princess. I don’t judge.  Time lords can’t marry without mutual consent.”  
                “Well you aren’t an idiot.” Jackie tapped his back  “I think you have to think about it and follow your heart.”  
                “How do you know that anyone is good enough?” He looked done.  
                “Mostly it was just physical at first.  I was young and full of energy.  But eventually.  The fear of making a mistake gave way to the fear of losing him.  And by then he was on the hook.”

                He said “So I will just reach this critical point I know, that I won’t be able to come up with another solution.”  
                “You make it sound like a bloody battle.  It will feel right.  You’ll feel good about it. You’ll be still and something inside of you will come to an understanding.”  She kissed Don’s Spiky head “You just follow your single stupid blundering heart. You are a good chap…” She said putting her hand on his chest. “Even if my Rose isn’t there I will always be there for you Don. My Don Tyler.”

He stroked her hand,  “Unless of course… well Bennets does it for Twenty Quid a head…”

                “You would never dare,” She yanked a piece of his hair. He yelped in laughter.

                What a strange family Torchwood had brought together. Pete smiled at her. As Rose-the-dog drifted off in Don’s lap.  After the grilling was done everyone sat around chatting laughing and waiting for the evening to fall. Pete had got out some illegal fireworks. Enough bottle rockets . Jackie saw him wrap his arm around their surrogate timelord son, teaching him how to light bottle rockets. Don looked disinterested in explosions. It was positively inhuman. The babies were too little for fireworks. Rex and the security force wanted to blow up Jackie’s antique gnomes. Martin and Owen were rattling off factoids about blowing up your fingers, eating barbeque crisps and corn on the cob. Tony, who was always highstrung and kind hearted, burst into tears at the explosion he set off that hit the wall.  Ian’s big black Alsatian ran yelping and hiding under the gazebo afraid of the fire and new people. Uncle Don picked him up, cradling him until he stopped crying. Pete shouldn’t have laughed but Tony’s face was funny. Pete apologized and tried not to laugh his head off, promising that he would buy Tony a mechapony.

Rose-the-dog sat in Don’s lap as Ian did his impression of the slobbering Sycorax Warrior with a lisp. Rex was half asleep on the table.  Tosh was turning pink as she couldn’t stop laughing.  Gwen kept brushing against him had a little crush on Don too, as the old Doctor charm shined through when he talked about the wonders of the universe. Something of that spark that Rose must have seen every day.  
                It was just a good feeling. Everyone knew Don was going to propose to his Boyfriend, even Rex who’d only been their one month.  Every one wondering where John was.  Jackie said John would be there as sure as taxes.         giving Don the business. He was explaining how John had tried to change his name again.  And was driving him crazy.   
                Jackie made a face and cut him off “It is late.  Where is he? I wish he would get here with that cake.”

                “He is bringing the cake.  You can’t have a party without cake. I’m not going to have any fun without him about.”  That was as good as evidence to Jackie. The way Don’s eyes were just alive.  She hadn’t seen that since Rose was gone. Maybe that was Timelord Romance.  “Maybe there was a queue at the shop.” Don said. “Though he’s a bit changed.”

                “You ask him to do one thing... I’ll bet you he’s in another time line or hopped a dimension again.” Jackie said “Or wrestling Oliver Cromwell for who has a cooler helmet. Or convincing Tosh to cut off her other arm to become a better engineer.  Or crashing my blimp into the Eiffel Pyramid. ”  
                “You run him down too much.” Don said.  
                “That’s what family is. You should have heard the stuff I said about he that must not be named when he wasn’t there. Or Mickey Or last time you got lost in Tibet.”

                “After he checked in on us this morning, he was stopping by to see Donna, if she was feeling better. He was going to zip her over via Vortex manipulator, if the nausea wasn’t so bad.  He said there was this cake shop he remembered there,” Don said.  
                “Did he say which century?” Jackie asked and picked up her purple glitter colored MyPhone “He and Donna with a vortex manipulator they are probably in Ancient Rome at an orgy. I’ll have Suzie Costello handle it. Probably got a plane going tonight. Suzie can’t drink anyway.” Jackie stage whispered “On the wagon, cause of the crazy pills.” 

                “Suzie. She freaks me out. I don’t want her around tonight.  She’s got the crazy eyes.” Don shivered. He wondered how she got a job in Torchwood.  He always got a weird vibe from her.

                Jackie always tried to be nice, she didn’t want Suzie going postal, “She’s on her meds again. Going to that Support group… what’s it called Pilgrim.  She is a nice person underneath it all.”

                “I… I can’t describe it. Feel like we’ll be finding Donna in a bin bag floating off the peer.”  
  
                “You do it then.” Jackie said “Suzie and you are the only ones who haven’t been drinking all day.”

                “I had a beer.” He said “A whole beer.”  Don pointed to it. That was about twice as much as he normally drank before he started to sing Rolling Stones covers (as done by 45th century boy band).

                “At least finish that wine punch.  Charlotte made Cranberry Mango Sangria. Here...” She handed him a fluted glass.

                “That’s fancy. I thought this was a jello.” He poked at the pineapples and cherries in a confused matter. “It’s strong.”

                “God you are a cheap drunk.” Jackie said “You sit in this chair. No more grilling.  No more seating arrangements. No more secret cell phones on Vacation. Steaks are done.  And your despicable fiancé can do chicken breasts if anyone wants them. And Tony fed the dogs.” 

                “I did it all by myself. But I spilled the water.” Tony admitted.  
                “One day we’ll get a puppy for you too… or a robot puppy.”

  
                “There were some left over hamburger. I was saving that for the dogs. A little treat.”

                “Not anymore.” Owen Harper said. “Ran out of hamburgers. Made two more extra. For me and Tosh.”

                “You ate my dog’s hamburger?” He said

                “You made your poofy poof little rat dog a hamburger?” Owen asked.

                “I didn’t…”

                “Is there anything normal about you.”

                “Skip it.  Enjoy.  I snuck an egg in there to give you a shiny coat. And cod liver oil.”

                “That’s why it tasted of fish.”  
                “Where is that boyfriend of yours?  We should be having cake.” Tosh said “I’m hungry.” As she ate the stolen burger.

                “You are eating as we speak, Tosh.”

                “Cyborgs are prone to violence.  I might go on a looking for chocolate rampage.  I’ve seen the movies.”

                “You are a rubbish cyborg, Tosh. You’re not even properly converted. Unless they converted half your arm. It’s not even 6.  He’ll be here soon.”  Don said.

                Tosh rolled her eyes and flipped him the mechanical bird as her servos whirred.  Still have one hundred percent function.  
                “He better get here soon.  He owes me twenty quid.” Gwen said.  
                “He never has any money,” Ian said  “You’d think the top Time agent would have some kind of fake currency card so he wouldn’t have to mooch off everyone.  Every time I ask to get it back, he offers to pay ‘in kind’ and pinches my bum.” Ian said. “Can’t tell if he’s cheapskate or a pervert.”

                “If he’s working for the Time Agency full time probably both.” Jake said

                “I’ll pay you back if you all just chill out,” Don said. “You could just take him up on his offer and shag him.”

                “If you shag him, Where am I going to get the other 19 and 95 p.?” Ian said as straight faced as possible. Gwen laughed herself sick.

                Martin said “You act like he hasn’t saved everyone’s life seven times over.” Martin said “And then groped us.”

                “You guys are mean.” Or Don said. “Yea. But he is a cheapskate and a pervert.”

                And everyone knew he was the only person on the planet who could make Don smile.  So they didn’t mind it so bad.

                “Can you call his arm band and tell him we are dying of hunger?” Owen said finishing his burger with one last bite.  “And about to go on a rampage. He has to come and save us right now from Tosh.”  
                Don stuck his tongue out at the Harpers.

                Pete came out of the bushes right as the sun was heading down. The sky was grey on top and orange underneath like someone was stepping on the sky.

                “Oh look who found a mobile growing out of a flower pot.” Jackie growled at Pete “It’s Family Day. I told you no Cellphones on Family Day. This is a vacation.  You both are work-a-holics.  I proved it”

                “Jackie not now.” Pete barked at her.  His eyes hurt and his temper thin. “I got to talk to Don.”  
                The Torchwood gang surreptitiously backed away to the basketball court.  Don and Pet went inside to the kitchen.  
                Jackie backed off. She pretended to leave the room, but went towards the main foyer,  where she could hear them through the opening in the wall.  She had to find out what was going on.  
                “Don, There’s been another murder.”  
                “The Sloughton Killer.” Don said. He had a look of shock on his face.  “We caught her.  We almost lost three of our best agents, Addie is still in hospital, unconscious, but we caught that monster.”

                “It wasn’t what we thought, Don,” Pete said. “Sit down and I’ll explain.”

                “What do you mean it wasn’t what we thought?” Don’s brow furrowed “The Suspect was covered in blood standing over the body of her victim.  Forensics was air tight. She had seven bodies in the backyard.” Don’s face became angry. Pete did not wish to bring Don in to a criminal investigation, but there were few medical professionals that could handle forensic xeno-biologic necropsies on site. Let alone a pathologist who was brave enough to cut open an alien corpse under any circumstances. Don took it very hard. Much harder than Owen or Gwen or any of the other trained investigators would. He was sickened and angered by the violence of these murders.  All of the team was stressed out by such a troubling and evil case of the brutal nature of human kind. But as an outsider Don could barely sleep thinking about the bodies he found.  Don, despite all that he had seen and all he remembered, was an innocent gentle soul.

“There was another killing over in America.  Iowa, SHIELD is handling it. But it fits the M.O. The victims are the Lethean, after apprehension, the bodies vanished, and the suspect remembers nothing.  There were other corpses of creatures found in the vicinity, out of the eye line found two days later. Exactly the same.”

“One of those creatures was a child…not even pubescent.  I did their necropsy. All seven. She was a mad woman.  Ranting about how she didn’t do it, when we all saw that she was the murderer. We solved that case and made the world a better place putting that one away.”

“I remember about that case.” Pete barked at his subordinate “I am not a heartless bastard. I remember The file, the interviews, the biographies of the life forms she killed.  I remember you almost losing it right their at the scene. But I will never forgot our perp. Watching her rocking back and forth. She said ‘What am I doing?’  I didn’t forget her either.  So helpless. It didn’t make any sense.”

                Don grit his teeth, “Nothing humans do make sense. She killed seven lifeforms, for no reason whatsoever.”

                “That’s what this bloke in Iowa said.  ‘What am I doing?’ He was a librarian.  ‘What am I doing?’  It’s the same murder.  Thousands of miles away. The bodies vanished the suspect remembers nothing. And did it for no reason.  That’s too many coincidences.”  
  
                “We’ve got to go over there now. It can’t be possible.” Don said “We have to figure out what is going on. Why they are trying to trick us? This is some kind of conspiracy.  They are all in on it.”

                “We are not going anywhere, tonight.  I’m wearing crocs with socks.  You are holding a bloody beer one hand and sangria in the other.  They are not going to let Torchwood cover it up this time.  The President made it official. She’s calling a press conference.”

               Don was really upset, “We don’t need more publicity to these murders.  They are disgusting. Don’t we have Public affairs to cover it up until we….”  
  
               “18 countries, 32 victims, 12 suspects.” Pete said. “The League of Nations is forming a Task force.. This is not just a Torchwood problem.”

               “It is exactly a Torchwood problem.” Don said “No matter how big it is.  It is a problem for every human on this Earth. And we are the best ones for the job. We don’t have stake in World Politics or the Treaty. We aren’t beholden to parliament or the League of Nations or the Allies.” “We’ll have to find out the truth.” Don pulled out his mobile and started texting slowly  “I’ve got friends in SHIELD. I’ll get on with Maria Stark over at Shield HQ…. She has a little thing for me.  I’ll have you on the next plane for New Amsterdam at 11.”

               “Don. It’s over.”   
  
               “You can’t let them take away this case. We caught the killer.  That can’t be right.” Don shook his head in denial.  
               “Don. We are going to have to work with the Government on this one.  Hell they are setting up a team, from everywhere.  Everyone will help us now. And we are going to find the people responsible for killing those people. That is what this is about. They were people…  Maybe not from this world but they still deserve justice and someone to pay.  Like you or any of the aliens… I mean life forms, who live here.” Pete gave him one of his earnest nods. “You are right. They are visitors to our planet.  They have got to be protected.  We both agree on that.  Or this treaty will be over before it starts.  That is everyone’s responsibility.”

Jackie couldn’t help over hearing the news. She tried to be quiet, but it was too horrible.  They stared at her.  
                “Is it a murder on your vacation?  But…”

                “There’s been a murder, Jackie,” Pete said. “Right under out nose.”  
                “I thought you caught that lady. The mum from Slough. She was the one who was killing them aliens and leaving them in the back yard?  She was going to go to jail for life.”

                “Jackie this is serious, someone is murdering a species of life form. You might as well know the basic details. The Lethean.  The Lethean, we are going to be negotiating a peace treaty. In just a few weeks.”

                “But you said it was her.  You said she was the killer.  You guys worked yourself sick finding her. She killed like seven of them.”

“It was someone else.  In another country.” Pete said “So it could be another killer.”

                “Another country.  That’s bad. It could be all over the world. Like a disease.” Jackie said wringing her napkin. “Blast you and your stupid phone.” She was upset. Her husband tired and Don was a complete mess. 

                She threw her napkin on the ground. “Why do you have to bring that ruddy thing everywhere? All I wanted was a nice picnic.” She felt better when the phone was dead.  She whinged just like a baby but she felt so guilty. All those poor aliens dead and another human responsible. She wanted to cry. It wasn’t any of their fault. But it was hurting the people she loved.

“I’ve got to do my job. Aliens are dying,” Pete said.

“What can I do Pete? What can I do to help?” Jackie said “I’m sorry I was stupid. It’s just awful.”

“Get everyone home. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I am going to go have a meeting with President Jones, tonight. Don, Let’s keep this hush up, until the press conference. Tell the heads of the departments.  We can still help.  Whatever the president says this is our priority.  We will stop these killers. All of them.  Word is they are going to bring all the suspects to an undisclosed location to investigate the suspects.  In case they turn, or whatever happens to them is contagious. Or there is some conspiracy or terrorism.”

“I will have the tickets in five minutes.” Don said poking at his touchscreen. He really was a slow texter.

“Five years and you still don’t bloody listen.” He grabbed the phone from Don.  “Stay here and get everyone ready for tomorrow. I’ll try to get you on that team.”

“We can’t allow humans to murder nonindigenous life forms.  I can’t allow that Pete.  I want to be on that team.  This is my case.  I won’t see anyone else die.  Human or Lethean or whatever.”

“Just try not to do anything characteristically awesome and reckless.”  
  
Jackie was enjoying her garden party, until that terrible moment.  
  
                That was only four hours ago.

                 
  
                Now Don was telling the others, there was a serial killer, or a killing spree or a terrorist attack.  The man looking angry and helpless.  The agents looking grim and sad in the moonlight.  Jackie just wanted one nice normal weekend.  She was being so selfish when all those poor aliens were getting killed for no reason.  It was too horrible to hear.  She wished that she could help.  What could she do? She was ordinary.  She wasn’t a secret agent. She was just ordinary woman.  Not a big fancy time traveler, or a scientist or a cop. She had never done anything important but be a mum.  
   
                And Tony.  What if Tony heard all this talk of murder?  She had to find her son. Make sure he wasn’t scared. Maybe she could help him understand, but she didn’t herself.  She thought about all those aliens getting killed. Did the aliens have kids and mums and dads?  Proper Families? Did they know that their kids were alive or dead on a distant planet?  Her thoughts turned away from the prodigal daughters and the past. Then She definitely wanted to see her little son, the only way she could cope with losing Rose.  She always felt better giving her baby a hug. Perhaps the only good she did in this world.  Maybe he was upstairs painting in the….

When she put her hand on the door the world got black and white.

                She thought out of nowhere the moon landing.  Neil Armstrong.  She blinked once and twice.  THe images of Neil Armstrong.  The grainy voice over the space radio.  She was a tiny little girl when it happened.  Her parents got their color tv for the event, even though she saw all those strange shadowy people in black and white. She nibbled her lip and stared. She might not know what it meant, but it was so important and big. Millions of miles away in another world that she could never see again, painted in black and white shadows.  Her heart stopped.

She blinked her eyes.

When she woke up, she shouldn’t have been in the foyer.  She hadn’t been down there since she heard the news.  She shouldn’t have been inside at all. Tony was crying loudly.

 She came too.  She must have fallen.

“Mummy Mummy, wake up.  Mummy” Tony woke her up.  There was something on his face. Some jam.  It was purple, it was so sticky and it got all over the place. Did Tony spill something while making crafts?  He loved glue and paint and stickers.

“Mummy. Daddy is coming. I called Daddy and 911. It’s an emergency.”  She told Tony to only call 911 then Daddy. Daddy was in charge of Torchwood and would keep them all safe.  He had always been such a bright boy.

“Nothings wrong with your Mummy.” Jackie said.

 “You have to stop. Don’t hurt anybody!”

“Tony…”  She was dizzy.  She looked around “Where’s the Doctor?”

She could barely make out her surroundings. Don’s voice and face were white, This man who had killed Daleks and aliens and stopped the Earth from getting crashed into and never ever was afraid.  “Yeah I’m here Jackie. It’s me.  The Good old Doctor.  You got to calm down no one is going to hurt you. If you surrender…”  
Maybe it was blood.  She didn’t have any cuts or bruises.  And her blood…  it was not purple.  
She should not have been covered in blood.  But it was soaked up into the whit lace and her hands and fingernails. She clawed at her hands. Purple blood. It was purple.  She flailed and looked at the ground.  She shook.  
  
“What weapon?” But before she could look there was the cock of a gun.  
  
Suzie Costello pulled out a gun.  A real gun like the cops carry  “Torchwood.  Drop your weapons.”

Jackie held up her arms to cover herself “No don’t shoot! I didn’t do anything…”  
She was lying in her own house barely conscience in her own house.  With a gun pointed at her again.  
“Costello what are you doing…  You can’t wave a gun around.  What are you doing with a gun off duty in a private home with small children about.”

“Don’t pull a gun at her.” Torchwood agents muttered aghast and frightened “She’s Jackie Tyler.” She’s a killer “That’s Pete’s Wife” “What she doing.  She started gasping.  
  
                She’d been in some harry situations.  Chased by a farting man with a zipper in his face, Killed by a Christmas tree, chased by not one but two species of crazy robots, almost turning into dust.  And she knew it was only by luck that she survived.  Her luck had run out and now she was the one who was in trouble.

“She’s armed and dangerous.  I am protecting us from her.  We could be next.” Suzie said.  
“No please don’t shoot.” Jackie wailed.  
  
Tony screamed and wrung his hands “Don’t shoot my Mummy….  Please Don’t hurt anyone. Mummy”

“It is Torchwood Directive Seven: Minimum Force to Stabilize the Situation.” Don said coldly and sternly. So much like his old self.  
“She’s armed.” Suzie whinged.  
“I don’t have a weapon.” Jackie didn’t even know she was lying.

“Mummy put down the knife.  You’ll kill someone.  You’re going crazy”  
  
When Tony screamed she looked down at her hand.  She had a steak knife.  One of those that could cut a penny, that you could buy off the tv.  She felt a fool for buying it, it was covered with blood too.  
She was covered in blood and holding a steak knife. And there was a dead body on the floor.

“What am I doing?  What is going on?” Jackie’s voice trembled.

“You stabbed that alien. Mummy. It’s going to die. We need the Doctor.”  
An alien was on the ground, with a small pairing knife in its neck.  The rest of his body covered with slashes and cuts.

“Come here Tony.” Gwen cried out.  “Don’t look at that.”  Gwen grabbed the little boy and shielded his face.  “We’ll get him to the hospital.  The Doctor will help him.  He is a Doctor.  Best Doctor ever. And your Mummy will be okay”

“Doctor!” Tony cried out.  
Jackie to the floor and stared at the gaunt grey being as its life left its body. It had no mouth to scream. It’s eyes so little in its head.  Eventually the eyes shut forever. Like those little eyes were shrinking.  
She was living in a nightmare.  
Her boy in Gwen’s arms as the Torchwood agents looked at her like she was the most terrible monster. All reaching for their energy weapons. And Suzie Costello was going to kill her dead.  
  
“Costello, You will stand down. You will not shoot this woman. That is a direct order.” Don screamed at her and the Torchwood agent began to shake. “I have to heal this being.”  
  
“Direct order. We’re not on duty.  Your alien hippy bullshit doesn’t apply to me now. I am here as a private citizen.  She’s a murderer. She’s waving a knife around like a crazy person. She could kill anybody.”  
“It’s Jackie Tyler.  Are you thick?” Don said, arrogant.

“Don’t call me thick.” Suzie Costello was so tempted to turn the gun on her boss. “I’m just trying to do what a normal person would do.  Not a person like you.  A real human.”

Dr. Don stood up. Was he drunk and tired perhaps, but there was something else?  Some dark blooming anger behind his big brown eyes, boiling and fermenting. He stared down Costello as the he drew the screwdriver from his pocket so fast the gunwoman jumped back in shock.

“You know what little girl.  Lets play that game.  How fast do you think you would have to be, how bright…  how quick.” He had his screwdriver out with its eldritch blue light. “You want her go through me… and I am pretty damn thick.”

Suzie buckled her arms were shaking “Sir she killed that alien.”

“Then shoot her.”  
“You have that blue thing.  That blue screwdriver. Everyone knows what that thing is. Everyone knows what you are you freak,” Suzie barked like a caged animal.

“Shoot her,” He strode and pointed the blue tip of the tool at Suzie’s head.

                “I can’t…” Suzie pulled down her gun. She started to cry.  
                Dr. Don ripped the gun out of her hands threw it into a bush.  Jackie gasped.  And then Dr. Don held the screwdriver up at her, “It’s not polite to call people alien, Tony.  You can call them beings.  Or life forms. It’s politically correct. PC and all that.” Don look like he ran a marathon, rather than the old doctor, who would flounce away.  Every standoff like that took more out of him.  There was less to bounce back.

                Doctor stepped towards her, holding his screw driver.  “Jackie, don’t hurt anyone else.  Just give me the knife and just relax.” His face still tense “No one is going to shoot you if you don’t hurt anyone else. But if you keep holding that knife the cops will have to hurt you. I’ll explain it to them.”

                Don pet the boy on the head “Go off with Gwen to the backyard and wait for the cops.”              “Mummy you killed it. It’s dying.” Tony kept repeating.

                It was his little crying voice, that always shred her to pieces. Jackie Tyler dropped her knife and began to fall to her knees and cry, as the police swooped in to capture her.


End file.
